ADD mushbrain, scheduling, and annoying logistics

Just realized that I have a 3:30 Skype session scheduled today with my shrink, and checked my (disconnected) phone in a panic with no idea if that was an hour from now, right now, or an hour ago.

Got lucky, it’s still 30 minutes away.

Since I haven’t paid my phone bill, and I’m currently without a permanent address, I have two problems to solve every time we do this: a fast-enough Internet connection to maintain the video call, and a private-enough place to hold the conversation. Currently writing from Starbucks, which fails on both parameters. Will probably try to use the café at a nearby big-box store, where the Internet connection is faster, and I hope that the café has few enough people that I can get away with semi-anonymity. Luckily, I’ve got a full laptop battery charge, so that’s one fewer thing to worry about.

Not a hard logistical problem to solve, but every time I have to solve it, I’m reminded that I have to solve it, and all of the many big and small failures that add up to that moment. I.e., I couldn’t pay my phone bill, so now I’m offline when I can’t plan otherwise, and never mind that all of my healthy behaviors require me to be online.

In other news, the mention to the Old Friend last week that my ADD mushbrain sometimes forgets I have appointments and to take my meds on schedule somehow came as news to him, and had a lot to do with why he flew into panic mode. That’s almost funny—compared to the other shit my illness does to me, running late and blowing off reminders feels like barely an annoyance.

Update: “Excuse me, ma’am, but I’m trying to have a very painful and very private meeting with my psychiatrist, and your two children running around and screaming are putting a spike in my brain. Would you mind tapping them on the head with a mallet until they fucking shut up? Thank you.”


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